[vc_row][vc_column][vc_gallery interval=”3″ images=”7473,7472,7471,7470,7469,7468,7467,7474,7477,7478,7485,7484,7483,7481,7479″ img_size=”medium” onclick=”” css_animation=”fadeInLeft”][vc_column_text css_animation=”fadeInDown”]I was a runway, waiting for the impact and weight of a big plane. I anticipated the force and power with which the plane (which I imagined to be the kairos retreat) would hit me. I prepared myself with an open heart and an open mind. And just I shut my eyes tighter, just as I clenched my fists firmer and as I took a deep breath, I felt it. However, what I felt was not so much of something ‘acting on’ or ‘being done to’ me as it was of something being drawn out from within me. And this particular feeling was peculiar.
The contrast between my expectations and reality is exasperating. I remember shutting my eyes and screaming when around friends who had undergone the retreat and were then reminiscing. It seemed then like a big, juicy yet unripe fruit which the more you picked and poked at it, the less big and juicy it manifested itself to be when eventually ripened. In my head, I had saved up all of that juice, but once I bit into my well-deserved big, juicy fruit, my teeth sank into air. The commencement of my retreat revealed my fruit to me as an empty ball, as though demanding for me to fill it with something. And so I have been able to present this retreat (which practically is impossible to describe to people who are yet to undergo it) in a personalized analogy: Kairos was my empty ball that needed filling.
This discovery was confusing as it was intimidating. At the very beginning, Fr. Ubong, S.J, our director, advised, if not warned, that the measure we put in would be the measure we would get out. And as the activities unfolded, understanding came to me. The question I was left with was thus, ‘What would I fill my ball with?’ This is where openness came to play because once I was able to submit entirely to the process, I was able to bring out more and derive more from the retreat.
Sometimes, the concept of being open can be vague. In truth, openness took many forms for me during my retreat. It meant paying attention to each activity and challenging myself to put in the best. It meant searching deep within myself for answers to thought provoking questions. It meant being sincere to people and accepting new relationships. It meant trusting the process. And when I did, I uncovered a part of myself that had been estranged. I became convinced of the power of friendship, of family and of love. I became reintroduced to love, immeasurable and unfathomable, love so concrete I could almost touch it, the love my God has for me. And in the midst of these, I found God’s face, shining brightly.
A smile sprouts on my face whenever my thoughts brush through those 3 days of Kairos. Undoubtedly, the moments I have shared with the participants of K-13 have been gem-stoned in my heart and will become memories that will stay with me forever. At the end of this retreat, I found myself with a heavy ball that now bore those memories. That was the fruit of my Kairos. It wasn’t so much about taking in as it was about bringing out. I won’t say that I am changed or new, but that I am better, improved. I came out more aware of others, more patient, more loving, more religious, more committed to doing justice, more open to growth. At the end of the tunnel, I found joy, true joy, gushing and pouring and overflowing it brought tears to my eyes so many times. I was suddenly more grateful than ever to have the friends that I do, the adults that surround me, to attend Jesuit Memorial College and to have been given such priceless opportunity.
Now down from the mountain, the true test of my experience will be how I choose to live my fourth day of Kairos. I owe much to all the people who helped organize my retreat. The staff and student leaders, they have offered a service which I will remain ever grateful for.
OBIDIKE Laura Chinazo
Class of 2024
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